If you’re a manager, it’s not enough to be giving feedback to your direct reports. It’s part of your job to solicit feedback from your direct reports as well. As much as you might believe that you know your strengths and weaknesses well, without external self-awareness — an understanding of how what you say and do impacts others — you’re unlikely to improve the habits, behaviors, and practices that may be holding you (or others) back.

This external self-awareness comes from asking others (especially those who report to you) to share how they experience you. How else will you know what you should keep doing and what you should be doing differently?

Nevertheless, you might find that your colleagues are reluctant to give you the feedback you need to improve, or even sustain, what’s working. Here are five common barriers you might face in getting helpful feedback from your direct reports, and how to address them so that you can gain the insights you need.

1. Worrying about whether you’re even open to feedback.

Far too often, team members expect to be given downward feedback, but unless they’re explicitly invited to offer upward feedback, they won’t know that’s even on the table.

What to do: Tell your direct report that you’re not only open to feedback, but that you want and expect it. One way to frame it is to share that self-improvement is a personal and professional commitment you’ve made to yourself — and ask for help meeting your commitment. Ask, “Would you please help me keep the commitment I’ve made to myself?” That way, your direct report can view their feedback as helping you make good on a promise you’ve made to yourself.

2. Apprehension about “doing it right.”

Giving feedback adeptly is a skill that needs to be learned. If your employees haven’t learned how to do it well — perhaps because they haven’t had access to training, practice, or role models — then they may resist doing it at all.

What to do: Let your direct report know that feedback is a skill best learned through practice — a great development opportunity for themselves — and that you’d like to give them the opportunity to practice with you. Assure them that they don’t have it do it “right.” They just have to show a willingness to try, and to try to get better over time. It can also be helpful to remind them that learning any new skill goes through four stages:

1. Unconscious incompetence (“I don’t know that I don’t know how to do this well.”)
2. Conscious incompetence (“Now I know that I don’t know how to do this well.”)
3. Conscious competence (“Now I know that I do know how to do this well.”)
4. Unconscious competence (“I am doing this well without even thinking about it.”)

Remember to acknowledge and celebrate their skill development as it progresses.

3. Fear of retaliation.

Let’s face it: You’re in a position of power. You have access to resources that are important to your direct report. They may worry that giving you feedback could interfere with their future opportunities. In addition, in some cultures, giving feedback “up” the hierarchy is simply not done. It would be seen as disrespectful and insubordinate. Be aware that these cultural norms can be a significant barrier.

What to do: Demonstrate empathy and humility. Try saying something like, “I know that it can feel uncomfortable to give feedback to someone who has a say in what you work on, your career advancement, etc. I have had the same concerns in giving feedback to my boss. Let me reassure you that I see your willingness to give me helpful feedback — even if it’s negative — as one of your professional assets. I know that I can get better, and I want to.”

4. Concern about hurting your feelings.

You’re only human, right? And feedback — especially when not delivered skillfully — can activate feelings of social rejection. Your direct report may be understandably worried about hurting you and the relationship.

What to do: Demonstrate your self-awareness by taking the lead in giving yourself constructive feedback first, which can mitigate their fears. You might say, “I know that I tend to be slow and methodical in my work, often prioritizing accuracy over action. Others have shared with me that they find my style hard to work with, especially when they’re facing a tight deadline. I’d like to get better at that. Would you share what you’ve experienced?” And then, once you have them talking, you can ask, “And is there anything else I could be working to improve right now that would make your work easier?”

5. Suspicion that nothing will change as a result of the feedback.

Giving feedback is hard, but giving feedback that doesn’t result in anything improving is even harder. Soliciting feedback without addressing it and taking action on it quickly erodes trust, as it undermines your sincerity and reliability.

What to do: Tell your direct report what you plan to do with the feedback they give you. This might range from, “I appreciate you telling me this — and I’m not sure I can address it right now. Here’s why…” to “This is very helpful, and I am going to take action to change this behavior. Here’s my plan…” And in both cases, keep actively, openly, and assertively inviting them to give you feedback.

One final thought: As much as you might believe that you have created safe and welcoming conditions for your direct report to give you feedback, don’t penalize them for not doing so. The complexity of the power imbalances, the differences between what you and they might consider “safe and welcoming,” as well as prior negative experiences they may have had giving feedback in the past (that may have nothing to do with you) may make this harder for them than you’ve imagined.

Nevertheless, do what you can to make sure you’re getting the feedback you need to grow and succeed. In the words of business executive Pamela Gill Alabaster: “Continuous learning leads to continuous improvement. Commit yourself to advancing your knowledge, skills, and expertise…Be a lifelong student.”

Leaders have often relied on physical cues, such as facial expressions and body language, to gauge and communicate emotions or intent. But doing so is more difficult in the remote workplace, where facial expressions and physical gestures are difficult to both read and convey.

Anecdotal evidence, as well as conversations we’ve had as part of our ongoing research into effective leadership in the digital age, is pointing to the growing use of emojis in the virtual workplace as an alternative to physical cues. They can help clarify meaning behind digital communications, as well as the type and strength of emotions being expressed. But they can also be an intergenerational and cultural minefield. For example, Gen Z’s are reportedly offended by their colleagues’ use of the smiley face emoji, which they see as patronizing. And cultural and geographical differences can mean that one person’s friendly gesture is another’s offense.

To lead in the remote or hybrid workplace, managers need to be aware of these pitfalls and need to understand how to use emojis effectively.

Using Emojis to Connect with Your Team

Based on recent research on emoji use in the workplace, our interviews with leaders who self-identified as using emojis for team management, as well as our own research into effective leadership, we identified four ways using emoji can help you connect with employees and enhance your leadership in a hybrid or remote environment.

1. Get deeper insight on how your team is feeling.

When employees at Danske Bank A/S, a Danish banking and financial services company, log on to join their remote management meetings, they share an emoji. “Our virtual meetings start with capturing the mood of the day. We each post a sticker with our name and an emoji that represents how we feel,” explains Eduardo Morales, a Danske Bank product owner. As these meetings usually are attended by more than 40 people, emoji sharing allows attendees to get a sense of each other’s moods, as well as the collective mood of the group, with just a single glance at the screen. “It saves time, and yet our interactions are richer,” Morales says. “Emojis allows us to reflect upon and express a broader range of feelings beyond the standard verbal response of ‘I’m fine.’”

The simple task of emoji selection gives team members a moment for self-reflection, which has been found to positively impact performance. And those with higher self-awareness become more thoughtful in expressing their emotions, which results in a better accuracy of emoji selection to represent their given mood.

2. Build your own cognitive empathy.

Your employees’ emotions are a data point that can help you understand what motivates them and how they experience their work.

“How do I as a leader understand what my team is working on and how they’re feeling about their work when everybody is remote?” asks Luke Thomas, founder of software startup Friday.app. He decided to start using emojis as part of his weekly check-ins. He asks direct reports to select an emoji to indicate how their week went, and then follows up with open-ended questions, such as: What went well this week? What was the worst part of the week? Is there anything I can help with?

Thomas explains that these updates allow him to have richer one-on-one discussions and then act on his employees’ needs. “I spend less time doing status updates and check-ins, and more time engaged in building better relationships, removing blockers and coaching,” he says.

3. Model appropriate emotions.

Emotions are contagious, and research suggests they may be even more amplified in the digital space. Managing your team’s emotional state and mood is a critical element of leadership, and emojis can help leaders express and role model emotional cues suitable for certain situations.

One senior leader at a global consumer products company explained that he uses emojis and GIFs to help motivate his team members and colleagues: “I use them as “pick-me-ups” to energize and to drive positive moods and behaviors within my team.” He described a recent example of how he used a humorous GIF and emoji to bring a moment of levity to a challenging financial discussion that was taking place on an online chat. The digital cue served as a transition, enabling the discussion to be steered towards a more positive orientation.

Leaders can greatly influence an organization’s emotional culture. Using emojis that represent positive workplace emotions, such as happiness, pride, enthusiasm, and optimism, is a first step for leaders looking to effectively role-model digital cues.

4. Reinforce your company’s culture.

Organizations have emotional cultures that can impact everything from employee satisfaction to burnout to financial performance. Emojis can both reflect and enhance the emotional culture of your organization in your daily communications.

“Our corporate culture is very fun and friendly — we hug a lot,” shares a manager at a global home furnishings retailer. After moving to remote work, managers at the company had to find a new way to express this aspect of their culture. “We can’t close a single department meeting without sending emojis and GIFs. A lot of them,” one told us. If the emotional culture is ebullient, as was true for the one described above, emojis can be used liberally and without necessarily having the leader set the norm.

In other workplace cultures, leaders use emojis to reinforce their organization’s core values. Take the example of material science company, DuPont. “We like to show appreciation and recognition for each other, so I often use the applause emoji to recognize people’s accomplishments,” explains Lori Gettelfinger, a DuPont global brand leader.

Take the time to gauge your organization’s emotional culture, which may be codified in mission statements, values, and daily behaviors. Then think about digital gestures, such as emojis, that can help reinforce it.

Minimizing Opportunities for Offense

If you are new or hesitant to using emojis in the workplace, we advise starting with simple emojis (e.g., thumbs up) rather than emojis that represent complex emotions (e.g. laughing emojis with tears) in order to decrease the likelihood that an emoji will offend.

Offense usually stems from a misinterpretation of a sent emoji or when someone uses an emoji that they think means one thing but really means another. For example, if a manager sends the emoji that features two hands pressed together, does it send a message of gratitude? A request for a favor? Or is it hands clasped in prayer? And is the emoji with the smiling face and two hands signaling a friendly wave “hello” or giving a hug? If you’re not sure, better to avoid using the emoji and to stick with something that is more straightforward and less open to interpretation.

Employees don’t check their emotions at the office door — or Zoom room. And when you’re leading in a virtual space, it can be harder to read how your team is feeling. Using emojis can help managers connect with their employees and strengthen their organization’s emotional culture.

A standard approach is to conduct exit interviews to understand why employees are resigning and devise a solution. But narrowing in on why people leave may extract a price: neglect of loyal and engaged employees who want to stay in the organization. Instead, managers should spend just as much time understanding why employees choose to remain in the company through “stay interviews.” These discussions involve asking key questions to your loyal employees that tackle common retention issues. These questions include: What’s your frame of mind today? Who do you feel connected to at work? What barriers can I remove for you? What new thing do you want to learn that will excite you and help you grow at work?

 

Amid the Great Resignation, managers are asking themselves why. They conduct exit interviews, trying to understand why people are resigning and devising solutions to the problem. But narrowing in on why people leave may exact a price: neglect of loyal and engaged employees who want to stay in the organization. These employees, when ignored, might also feel disenfranchised and opt to leave, setting off a negative spiral.

Managers should spend just as much time understanding why employees choose to stay. When we know what keeps people attached to their current workplace, we can then use this information to adopt more intentional and proactive practices.

One way to gain insight into employees’ motivators is to conduct stay interviews. These not only provide valuable information from the perspective of our team members, but they also make inroads into reengaging our employees and stanching the bleeding of talent from our organizations.

The key to stay interviews is asking questions that address what you’d learn from exit interviews. These four questions tackle common retention issues. Fold them into your existing one-on-one meetings with your employees, or if you don’t have regular one-on-one meetings, consider conducting stay interviews monthly.

What’s your frame of mind today?

In your discussion, encourage people to express a full range of emotions. No matter what’s shared, don’t attempt to solve the problem or negate their experience. If someone says they’re feeling unmotivated, respond by saying, “Thank you for honestly sharing how you’re feeling,” and ask for more information. To normalize their experience, acknowledge that you have days when you feel energetic and hopeful and others where you struggle.

Our well-meaning human response when faced with another’s pain is to try to immediately extinguish their anguish. But rote assurances of resilience and hyped excitement about the business, especially from those in authority, unintentionally signal it’s not okay for an employee to struggle or express their authentic emotions. If not allowed to do so, employees feel disappointed, not seen or understood, and might seek alternate venues.

Who do you feel connected to at work?

Friendships at work foster a bond that works like gravity. The toxic combination of too many meetings just to get the work done and not enough connections outside of transactional business saps us of energy. And in its research on employee engagement, Gallup has found a strong link between having a best friend at work and employee performance.

In your stay interview, ask, “Who do you feel connected to at work?” Based on their response, explore what you can do to help them deepen those connections, say, by assigning them to joint work or finding ways to create unexpected pairings. Perhaps people from different departments can work on a company-wide event, a cross-division initiative, or take part in virtual discussion groups. The glue that connects us to our colleagues also connects us to our companies. Finding ways for people to regularly connect socially and build relationships will extend their shelf life in the organization.

What barriers can I remove for you?

Research shows that the single biggest motivational action managers can take is to remove barriers that inhibit employees from achieving their goals. Yet we more often offer praise or rewards, like gift certificates for coffee. These remedies might make us feel better about our jobs as managers, but do they really make an impact on our employees and their work?

During your stay interviews ask, “What barriers can I remove for you?” Then communicate what action you will take and follow through or brainstorm with your colleague how you can be most helpful. Instead of saying, “Good job,” ensure your direct report can perform their job well.

What new thing do you want to learn that will excite you and help you grow?

Instead of talking about what your employee can do for the company, ask what they might like to do for themselves. This question signals that you care not just about what this person has done for you or the company, but what you can do for them to foster their development and to help them achieve their dreams and aspirations. It also, in turn, enhances employee loyalty.

We all want stability and reassurance in a workplace where we feel seen, heard, connected, and productive. As managers, our first efforts to provide these benefits to our employees often fail. We pressure them instead of reassuring them. By spending time conducting stay interviews, we strengthen our skills as managers and the desire of our employees to continue working with us.